But one thing I did have more of at twenty-two than eleven was sperm. And with chemotherapy generally working by annihilating the fastest replicating cells in the body, one’s sperm tends to stand in the frontline of the assault. As such, it was recommended that I freeze a sample of my sperm, just to ensure that the grade-A genetic stock that had delivered two separate tumours in twenty-two years could be passed onto future generations. If you’re looking for an experience that will suck away the last of the already-fragile romance of male masturbation, then jizzing in a cup could be for you. It starts badly enough because you have to have a conversation with your mother that loosely references masturbation.
Luke Ryan, excerpted from The Lifted Brow